Disappointment in Myself

I have a lot of high expectations for myself. There are lot of things I want to do, goals I want to achieve, and routines I want to create and maintain. I could offer a whole bunch of reasons as to why I’m not meeting my goals, but they would be excuses. I need to move past my excuses.  I need to recognize my shortcomings so that I can make changes towards the direction I really do want to take.

A year ago, I was excited to begin personal training and I had a fitness goal. While I exercised intermittently throughout the year, I have not been on any kind of regiment. Needless to say, I hold a certification for personal training but am doing absolutely nothing with it. My fitness goals have been empty.  Working 40-65 hours/week (not including commute time) has left me drained so I cancelled my (overpriced) gym membership. Because of my poor habits, I have actually increased my body fat percentage in the last four-six months. I have tossed around the idea of indoor rockwall climbing because I would absolutely LOVE to do it. Unfortunately, it’s 10 miles away from where I live and 30 miles away from where I will start working in August. Near my future job is a boxing/kick-boxing gym  that I would love to check out/join…in August. In the meantime, I want to develop some kind of exercise habit either at home or at the rockwall climbing place (just really anything more than my weekly jog).

I wanted to keep up with my blog at least on a monthly basis.  Ideally, I would like to post more, but I feel like I don’t have a whole lot to post about. I do have a lot of stories that I would like to share about Korea but those posts are actually hard to write. They are hard because it makes me miss Korea (even though I doubt I will ever want to actually LIVE there again–travel there? yes).  They also make me realize how much I don’t like living in my current city.

To be honest, I never planned on staying in Texas more than a few months. My ‘few months’ has turned into a year and a half. I’m itching to move but I plan on staying here another two years. I swear though, after those two years…something drastic would have to change to keep me here. Get me out of here!

I have been meaning to finish/polish out a short story that I had started for one of my writing classes.  I also have a fantasy novel that I began that could use a middle and an ending. I also have a REALLY GOOD story idea that I would to write and possibly publish.  Want to know the sad thing? I have bought several books on writing and have yet to read them. I know that I need to just force myself to write, possibly daily, or those stories will never get finished.

Blah. This post is nothing more than “I wanted to” and “My goal is to” and none of these goals are new; they are just proven empty promises that I seem to continuously make to myself.

I refuse to keep setting myself up for failure; I know I can do these things.  I have to stop letting excuses get in the way.

tie-dye cakes frosted cakesLike tie-dye cakes with delicious frosting.  That’s gotta stop.

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6 comments

  1. Hey Dear I was happy to see you finally did write something and it is a step in the right direction. Now just keep going no excuses. love you

    1. Thank you! 🙂 I just got home from a jog too…of course it’s easier to do things the first day of motivation…so hard for me to keep the momentum going. 😦

  2. I want to and my goals are. well, to say the least we all go through that. I learned a long time ago that I would never lay out to others what my expectations or goals were. Instead I learned that is better to say, ¨Say guess what I just did, I got my assosicates,or I just got promoted or we got a house or car. This way I would not feel empty if I did not accomplished what I said I was going to do. Don´t get me wrong is good to have goals. Gets you focus. Another thing, spiritualy speaking. There are some negative people who are always jealous, this energy can overturn your good fortune. So, keep goals to self AMen. And ask God for guidance….
    When doors are shut, The almighty will Open better ones….once again ask for his help.
    PS I always wanted to be a submarine commander..go figure..

    1. Definitely better to keep goals to yourself, but, I feel like perhaps I might be more motivated to do them if I see them in print. Maybe not. Maybe my goals will change and then that will be good too.
      I have definitely noticed the jealous/negativity though. It’s frustrating.
      Definitely need to pray more, though, I would say that I’m happy with where I am in life. These are just things I want to improve.

  3. I think we are our own worst enemies. Let’s practice compassion for ourselves.

    1. Absolutely but some of these disappointments just keep haunting me. I know I can do better. Sigh. You’re right, though. I tend to put too many expectations on myself.

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