Well my contract ends in two and a half weeks. My flight leaves three weeks later. I can’t believe it. It makes me sad. That’s why I have delayed in making this post.
I’ve slowly been going through the motions of preparing to leave. I’ve sold quite a few things to other foreigners (and a few Koreans) online. (Thanks Facebook!) And I’ve also donated quite a lot my clothes and bedding to a local orphanage. I still have a lot more to get rid of, though.
To be completely honest, these last couple of weeks I’ve been taking some huge ‘steps backward’ in preparing myself emotionally to leave. I kept looking for reasons for staying: a job, a guy, friends… I haven’t found anything completely convincing.
For some reason, it feels like it will be harder to say ‘goodbye’ to Korea than it was to say ‘goodbye’ to America. Perhaps it’s because, with America, I was initially planning on coming back after a year. It would always be a ‘home’ I could return to. Perhaps, deep down, I almost ‘know’ that I won’t be coming back to Korea. That this will really be my last goodbye. That the home I made for myself here was really as impermanent as it has felt at times. That even though I, at one time, was planning a future here, it will no longer happen. I don’t have a future to look forward to, really, because I have no idea where my life will take me a few months from now. I just ‘know’ that it won’t be in Korea.